i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
