I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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