the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
