Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
