I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
