I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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