why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
