I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
