I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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