Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
