I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
