Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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