Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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