You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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