I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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