What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
