Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
