I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
