so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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