Cold hands, warm shart.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
