I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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