Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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