WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm determined to sit on that face.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
