Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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