He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
