yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
