Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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