She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
