I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Text me some of your sweat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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