whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
