Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
