i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
