I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
