We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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