Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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