you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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