Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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