dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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