Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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