no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
