oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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