I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
