Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
