adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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