I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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