so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
