They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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