I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
