Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
