I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
