I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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