all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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