I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
