when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My boob is missing a layer of skin
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
