Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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