Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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