I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
