It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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