you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
